As a bisexual man, it's hard for me not to think that an open relationship would be an ideal means to satisfy my interests in both men and women-and not feel weighed down by the guilt of deceiving either party (or parties, if I was more adventurous-and trust me, I'm not). It sounds good in theory, but in practice, I'm not so sure. If a couple in a committed relationship-gay, straight, or otherwise-establishes an open door policy in the bedroom, I would hope it's one of mutual interest. But I suspect such arrangements are not wholeheartedly endorsed by both sides. More likely: One of them is not feeling fulfilled, and the significant other might be pressured into loosening the commitment strings or else find them irrevocably severed.

Of the gay men I have known, I don't know of any in an open relationship, but then again, I didn't ask. And so far, they haven't asked me--to play, that is. Not that I have any interest, but I'd feel flattered to turn such a request down-if only out of principle. (On the other hand, I have been approached by a female in a committed relationship, so maybe I'm not as undesirable as I thought.) While there may be couples who can navigate the hazards of an open relationship, I imagine that the emotional logistics would be too fraught with peril, eventually dooming any long-term success. Cheating or not, someone's ego is destined to get wounded, and the inevitable scar tissue of resentment is bound to harden the heart of even the most forgiving soul. So, if you're in an open relationship, I suggest you tread very carefully. You may be headed for a breakdown, soon followed by a breakup.